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Ugly Americans
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Orlando
Lyricist:Bob Schneider
I was sitting naked in a Holiday Inn down in Orlando And it was the morning of the last day of the year I didn't know who I was and I thought I might've been Evan Dando But if I was him then what the hell was I doing here
So I asked myself one simple question What would I do with the rest of my life? If I knew I couldn't fail, I guess I'd get the hell out of Orlando And find me a rich and beautiful wife
'Cause I don't want to do a damn thing And I want to be appreciated And I want to get paid well And I don't want to be hated
I don't want to do a damn thing Except lie in the sun And be loved, loved, loved Loved, loved by everyone
So I called up the front desk to see if I could rent a porno They said you better have a credit card I said, ‽Honey, I'm pretty hard up but I ain't got no Visa†I said, ‽Honey could you please, uh, help me?†She said she was sorry but I think she was just disgusted
And I was kinda disgusted myself 'cause it had all come down to this And I felt like a pervert but goddamn it gets lonely When you're sitting in your hotel room naked as a jaybird Down in Orlando in the middle of the night
So I called up an old friend to see how he was doing But he sounded like a robot and it was like I barely knew him Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com So I said I had to go, then I couldn't take it any longer You know the desire to throw my naked body Out the fifth floor of the Holiday Inn kept getting stronger
I tried to take a cold shower but I couldn't get my nerve up I just sat in that hotel room and tried to cut my own hair That was the worst idea that I had all day But goddamn, it gets lonely down in F L O R I D A
Then I thought to myself just what the hell was a jaybird And just what the hell does it look like and what the hell am I doing So I tried to write a song about it but this is all I got You know I sang it for your girlfriend and she said she liked it a lot
Except the part about killing myself And the part about trying to find a rich wife She said, ‽You should have gone to sea world You might have had a better timeâ€
I said, ‽Honey, thanks for the input, thanks for the advice But I think that the only way I'm ever going back to Orlando Is if I live life twiceâ€
'Cause I don't want to do a damn thing And I want to be appreciated And I want to get paid well And I don't want to be hated
I don't want to do a damn thing Except lie in the sun And be loved, loved, loved Loved, loved by everyone
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