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TISM
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The Man From Popular Culture Came Round
The man from popular culture came round to 'check up,' he said, 'on what we wanted'
I looked at the wife, puzzled awhile, and replied 'Just the normal I suppose
'Pay off the house, some sort of world trip, then back home, maybe a boat
'and cable TV - but only for the football.'
He nodded. 'Spiritually,' he asked, 'do you have any spiritual needs, longings?'
I knew sort of what he was getting at, and I knew too I probably should have some
'Well, it's hard for me to be precise but I suppose I have some of those
'I wouldn't say it affects my day to day activities.' He nodded.
'It's family and health that's important,' I said, thinking maybe that's what he wanted
'As long as they're OK.' He ticked a box and looked up at me
'I see.'
'Well, I said, we're worried about unemployment,' tick, 'and the hospitals,' tick, 'schools, sort of,' he ticked, silent.
'You know, all that stuff.'
He turned to the next page 'And...huge and deviant sexual longings?'
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'What the fu--,' I said
But he went 'Look, I'm sorry, I have to ask, let's move on. Politics?'
'Not interested really.'
'Music?'
'I've got some greatest hits albums.'
'Poetry?'
'Uh, yeah, like I read it all the time.'
'Princess Diana?'
'Let's leave her be I reckon.'
'Ever get the feeling intellectuals laugh at you?'
'Couldn't give a fuck, mate.'
He asked me to sign, telling me it was non-obligatory, for the purposes of verification only.
Two weeks later we got in the post all we wanted - except for the Princess Diana stuff.
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